Are you falling in love with unavailable people?

If someone is often in love with unavailable people, there may be some deeper wounding where emotional needs were not met in childhood.

Some trauma has been created there. The child didn't receive love, didn't receive the emotional need, the touches, the hugs. For example, if it was a woman, it could have been a lack of love from the father, or he was not available. So we stretch that exact dynamic and we attract it in adulthood.

But it also means we don't want that relationship, we're afraid to recreate the hurt we experienced in childhood (it was trauma after all). Actually, it always sort of "accidentally" comes out that we fall in love with someone unavailable.

There is also the question of what this falling in love actually is, somewhere the term limerence is used (this term was introduced by Dorothy Tennov in the 70s), it often stems from such deeper wounds, when it is not quite a classical falling in love, but it has such strange painful aspects, over-attention and idealization of the other, when we don't really know him and don't know who the one we want is.

But one wants and needs love, one has needs and needs to have those needs met, and so one wants a partner, and one wonders, "I'm not lucky, and I don't have happiness, and this and that"... Something far deeper is running here, wanting and screaming to be healed, wanting attention to be paid there, and so he attracts these very places, situations, people where this is happening.

It's not that the other person is unavailable, it's that the person in love doesn't actually want the relationship, is too afraid, might not even know it, because if its created at the age of 4-5 years its running in subconscious.

And so only healing at a deep level can remove this dynamic, an experienced and good therapist is more than enough recommended here.

And maybe one day what will happen is that you will fall in love and the other party will reciprocate and you will enter into a relationship. By that you will know that you are healed.